Even if you have the time to explore the dating world at Cornell, it still comes with many challenges. You may feel like it’s just you, always picking the wrong guys. But, trust me, you’re not alone. Here is your guide to help you navigate the world of Cornell’s (less than) eligible bachelors.
You’ll find him hanging around the gym and pregaming with protein shakes. He may want to hang out but only if he is still able to get eight hours of sleep every night. What he lacks in brains he makes up for in muscle…and his ability to crack a cold one on his head. You’re down to just “Netflix and chill”? Too bad he has practice. But maybe if you’re lucky he’ll hit you with that “what’s good cutie?” at 2 AM.
2The Good Boy
He loves to constantly tell you how he has not missed class one time this semester. He embodies the “always has his shirt tucked in” type and he’s definitely safe and predictable. He’ll take you on dates that make you feel like the adult you’re trying to become. Maybe you’ll give him his first sip of beer or–gasp–show him an R-rated movie. But be warned, get out while you can because the number one woman in his life will forever and always be his mommy.
3The Philosophy Major
He pretty much minors in talking about smoking weed even though he rarely actually does. He should wear a sign that says “I’m complicated” that hangs over his hoodie. Forget Instagram or Facebook, he’s not satisfied unless you follow his SoundCloud and fangirl over his indie rock covers. You’ll go on date to the gorges where he will explain his deep knowledge of Aristotle that he definitely got off SparkNotes. He probably has the same Vans as you and weirdly pulls them off. And he’ll have so many feelings, you’ll start to regret yearning for a ~sensitive~ guy.
4The Frat Star
He’s likely the next undiscovered rapper, and if not, he definitely dresses like he is. He’ll invite you to the house to smoke and chill. But once you get there, he’s more interested in his video game that he insists you can’t play. You’ll see him now and again at a party making his rounds, because God forbid he’d stay with one girl for more than a week. Maybe he’ll invite you to chill again, but he’ll probably be too busy listening to the new 21 Savage album with the boys.
5The Grad Student
Whether he’s studying to be a lawyer, doctor, or the next Bill Gates, it all sounds sexy. But the problem is he’s like an essay you need finished–he looks better on paper. He’s probably lurking at Level B sipping on a fishbowl that turns his tongue a different color. His go to pick up line is, “You see my friend over there? She wants to know if you think I’m cute.” But really his friend over there is his mom, and she wants to know if you’ll be coming home for the holidays.
I hope this list will save you from any unneeded heartbreak. Remember: do you like him, or is he just tall?