I can’t write about BANGERZ without writing about who I am and why I love Miley, so prepare yourselves for a non-traditional album review.

I honestly like to project an air of musical knowledge at all times, from my thick glasses, to my short hair, I like to think every aspect of myself is calculated to make it obvious that I love music, that I am hipster, PLEASE TAKE ME IN FELLOW HIPSTERS. Yet, I have my moments where I can’t deny that I still love Britney, I watch every shitty TV show that has ever aired*, and I am not afraid to tweet about how lame I am. Then in the middle of my glued up personality comes a ridiculous love for Miley Cyrus, a controversial love to say the least.

To be fair, I for some reason thought it was cool to watch Hannah Montana well past the age I should have, and definitely saw all the movies with gusto. My love for Miley is basically as ingrained in me as my love for pound cake**. When I first heard “We Can’t Stop” along with the rest of the post-tween world, I wanted to hate it, to keep up my carefully orchestrated image of cool, but I couldn’t. Sorry you guys, but I will say it again and again, this song is a good ass pop song and I for one have been on Mike Will’s side since he produced “Mercy” by Kanye***.

Then came along “Wrecking Ball” which I didn’t like at first because I like to think I’m not that white, but it turns out I am and I got dragged into that shit. Also, I’m unreasonably saddened by her breakup with Liam Hemsworth because I saw The Last Song and I will always love it. I promise, I am a 21 year old black poet underneath it all. If there’s one thing we can all agree with anyways it’s that Miley looks hot as fuck in this video and I would get over my intense and haunting fear of vaginas to be with her.

Now that we’ve covered the first two singles, we can delve into the rest of the album. The album opens up with “Adore You” which in my opinion is the perfect combination of hip hop and pop, the kind of sound I imagine will be taking over the air waves.  If there’s something that Miley gets about 2013, it’s the mix of cultures and appropriation that takes place everyday in the music world. We, as millenials grew up with Hip Hop in the mainstream, and because of that, it’s shaped who we are. Miley is a product of that and so is “Adore You.”

The third track of the album “SMS (Bangerz)” features the great queen of music buying for all 21 year old girls, Britney herself. Thank god this song is less than 3 minutes. Whatever mix of Salt N’ Pepa’s “Push it” and shitty music this is, it isn’t working. I expected greatness from these two, and I hate myself for saying that. Next is “4×4” featuring Nelly, I  like most other people in the world love most if not all Pharrell produced tracks, but this just does NOT cut it. I know Miley started out as country, but I’m done with that, I think she should be too. Anyways, WHAT IS NELLY DOING FEATURING ON THIS? Miley you have better things to do than write a song to resuscitate Cornell’s career.

 

One of my favorites on the album, “My Darlin'” featuring Future**** goes back to that hip hop infused pop that I am really starting to feel. Miley is really great at doing a good ballad, whether it’s over a guitar or a electronic beat. “Love Money Party” with Big Sean is a throwaway hood song that is Miley trying to hard to get away from her pop sound, thank god Pharrell is there to bring her back on the next track “Get it Right,” a clear stand out on the album. Pharrell can get it, he can get it anytime.

I’m getting tired of doing this track by track review especially considering I don’t love any of the remaining songs. “Drive” isn’t bad, not as catchy as the rest but isn’t really a make or break it track. “FU” is way too much for me, I can picture some bitch singing this on Broadway being super white and angry, and I just don’t want that for Miley. Sorry, I think she’s worth more than a shitty song featuring French Montana. “Do My Thang” is another club slapper that is obviously not meant to be listened to by my people, the bed people.

 

The last track of the standard track is “Maybe You’re Right” and I regrettably get pretty swept up in this, the same way that I hate myself when I get swept up in “Roar” by Katy Perry. It’s one of those songs that reminds me that Miley isn’t the worst singer in the world, something this album could have used more of. Wait, I lied, the last song of the album is “Someone Else” and it’s another one of those annoying dance tracks meant for someone who’s dancing their heartbreak away. Do people do that? I guess they will now.

I surprisingly enough love two of the bonus tracks on the Deluxe version of the album, both produced by Pharrell “Rooting For My Baby” and “On My Own” hold their own towards the end of the album. Maybe I hate “Hands in the Air” because it’s another club song, maybe I don’t like it because at this point I’m sick of hearing “Mike Will Made It” at the starting of every song. Whatever the reason is, the last song is one of the weakest ones for me.

My overall takeaway from this album is that I know I’m going to abuse it and that I obviously don’t truly know how to spell Pharell.  I still love Miley, she’ll find her sound and she sure as hell messed around with it a lot throughout the 16 songs on the album. I patiently await the next crazy video or performance from if nothing else, a constant source of entertainment.

*examples; Hart of Dixie, Pretty Little Liars, Make it Or Break it, Arrow to name a few

** My grandmother makes THE best pound cake EVER.

*** future husband, current genius, crazed idea man

**** Ciara’s sex partner, Mike Will’s friend and beautiful rapper