Presented by Cornell University’s Skimm’bassador Erica Baevsky

SPORTS NEWS (4/7)

WHAT TO SAT WHEN YOUR CO-WORKER COMES IN LATE…

March Madness had you up too? on Monday night, Duke beat Wisconsin in the NCAA Championship Game. Barely. They were basically tied the entire time. So people with bracket money and school pride on the line had heart palpitations all around. Now, Coach K can add a fifthMarch Madness trophy to his 1,000+ wins. Not bad.

 

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU REALIZE YOUR EMOJIS ARE SUDDENLY POLITICALLY CORRECT
Let’s throw out a tango girl for the NFL. On Monday, the NFL hired its first full-time female referee, Sarah Thomas. Slow clap. And probably a good call for the League, which had just a few minor PR issues last year.

 

FOOD NEWS (4/6)

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR MOM ASKS IF YOU WANT ANY EASTER DESSERT LEFTOVERS…

Lost my appetite. Last Friday, the CDC warned ice cream lovers not to eat products made at a Blue Bell Ice Cream plant in Oklahoma. That’s because it could be contaminated with Listeria (think: fever and a lot of time in the bathroom). Health officials say three people have died in the last year from Listeria at a hospital where contaminated Blue Bell ice cream cups were served. The cups have been recalled, and the plant has been shut down while Blue Bell investigates. Now would be a good time to check the freezer.

 

U.S. + INTERNATIONAL NEWS (4/7, 4/8)

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR OFFICE FRENEMY SUGGESTS AN IDEA YOU DON’T LIKE…

We’re not on the same page. Israel has made it clear it’s not down with the framework for a nuclear deal that the West has agreed on with Iran. And now it’s offering some small notes — like wanting Iran to basically nix its entire nuclear program. That’s not exactly part of the current framework, which says Iran will dial back the size of its nuclear program and the US and friends will lift sanctions. Israel’s notes come after President Obama said this deal is “our best bet” to keep Iran from going nuclear, as in weapon. Meanwhile, some in Congress have FOMO and want to be able to vote on the deal.

 

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU FIND OUT YOUR NEIGHBOR IS STEALING YOUR WIFI…

Better reset your password. This week, it came out that Russia was reportedly behind a cyberattack on the White House last year. The attack was allegedly on the State Department, but it’s unclear exactly what was creeped on there. What is clear is that the hackers accessed President Obama’s private schedule. Technically, that info’s not classified, but US officials would prefer that it not be accessed by foreign intelligence agencies. The big agencies and their entourages are investigating what they say is one of the most sophisticated attacks against US government systems. Fantastic.

 

SOCIAL MEDIA NEWS (4/7)

WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR FRIEND WHO GAVE UP FACEBOOK FOR LENT…

Have you checked your messages yet? A New York City court gave a Facebook user the go ahead to serve her soon to be ex-husband with divorce papers via private message. A judge said this was cool because her husband does not have a listed address or a job that anyone knows of, making him hard to find. And probably hard to be married to.

 

POLITICAL NEWS (4/8)

WHAT TO SAY WHEN A “TOP CHEF” MARATHON’S ON…

Wonder who’s ‘not here to make friends.’ Hi, Rand Paul. On Tuesday, Sen. Paul (R-KY) announced he’s running for president. He’s a first-term senator with Tea Party support. And he’s running because he says the rest of DC – including his GOP co-workers – is part of a “Washington machine.” Political burn. Paul’s known for taking after his libertarian rock star dad, Ron. Case in point: Rand is the first presidential candidate ever to accept bitcoin donations, the virtual currency favored by the “Don’t Tread on Me” crowd. He’s the second major candidate to come to the 2016 party, but expect more people to show up next week. Meanwhile, in election news that’s actually happening this year, yesterday Rahm Emanuel won a run-off election to clinch a second term as Chicago’s mayor.

 

BUSINESS NEWS (4/8)

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU HEAR ANDREW GARFIELD AND EMMA STONE MAY BE DONE…

UPS knows heartbreak too. On Tuesday, its rival FedEx announced that it’s getting hitched with Dutch delivery company TNT Express. The $4.8 billion takeover deal comes two years after UPS tried, and failed, to make a marriage with TNT work. But before they could walk down the aisle, European regulators shut down the deal over anti-trust concerns. FedEx and TNT say they’re confident that this match is going to be OK with regulators because FedEx isn’t as big as UPS in Europe. So this sets FedEx up nicely for a major expansion on the continent. As a bonus: tracking complaints do sound better in European accents.

 

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS (4/9)

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU GET A FARMVILLE REQUEST…

Is this still a thing? On Wednesday, Zynga – the gaming company that brought you Farmville and Words With Friends – announced it’s hiring back its original CEO Mark Pincus. For a $1 salary. And hopefully unlimited crops. Zynga’s been on the struggle bus for a while, since it’s had a hard time getting into the mobile game. The Z’s glory days were back when you were obsessively checking Facebook on a PC. No more.

 

ISIS – WHAT TO KNOW (4/8)

If you keep forgetting what ISIS stands for, you now have a guide.

 

 

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