Couple disputes, while often challenging, can be beneficial under certain circumstances. The key is to know when to draw the line. A renowned psychologist reveals what should never be said to your partner—an error that could undo years of effort!
A Common Point Among Many Couples
Our psychologist, Mark Travers, specializes in couple relationships. A graduate of Cornell University, he has substantial experience in conflict management. Many individuals seek his services hoping to save their relationship!
In a segment for CNBC Make It, he shares his remarkable journey. He has resolved numerous disputes by encouraging couples to get to the root of the problem, but has also faced failures that imparted a crucial lesson. Those who no longer wish to see each other often touch on the sensitive subject!
According to him: “There is a phrase I’ve seen come up in these exchanges that is more damaging than one might think: ‘Why can’t you be more like [insert the other person’s name]?’” Bringing up such comparisons reflects a “much deeper dysfunction,” he says.
Why Is the Relationship Destined to Fail?
Mark notes that some couples think this phrase is harmless and doesn’t reflect their true feelings. They say it simply to vent their frustration and move on. However, it triggers a genuine self-examination in the other person!
“What couples fail to recognize is that the person named doesn’t actually matter; it could be an ex, a friend’s girlfriend, or even ‘the person you were before.’” However, this implies that “anyone else could possibly do a better job as a partner.”
No one wants to feel inadequate. It’s one of the worst insults, especially coming from a partner. This is why such phrases are so dangerous! The other person may develop “irreparable insecurity issues.” They will feel insignificant and may realize that their true place might be elsewhere!
How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship?
Undoubtedly, avoiding disputes in relationships is impossible. In fact, minor quarrels can add spice to the relationship. The key is not to strive to win at all costs, even at the expense of your partner’s feelings! Instead of satisfying one’s ego, it’s better to prioritize tenderness and companionship!
A dispute isn’t a marathon where the last person to argue wins. Couples should remember that they are one team. Competing against each other means misidentifying the real opponent! The true goal is to uncover the source of the problem and foster understanding!
Some individuals prefer to remain silent when something bothers them. However, this intent to “keep the peace” can often be a ticking time bomb. When it eventually explodes, the damage can be nearly irreversible. In such cases, it’s better to speak up and reconcile for good!
